My Eulogy for Mom:

If Mom would greet you when you walked into our apartment back when I was growing up, she’d say, “Come in! Sit down! Hai fame? (Are you hungry?)” That’s how we all got to see how sweet and giving a person she always was, not to mention how good her Bolognese sauce was!

And that’s kind of the way we all knew Mom: “She’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met!” We heard that about her all the time.

But, rather than tell you what we all know about her, I thought I’d tell you about what you may not know about her: The things that made her who she was, and maybe why she had the strength to live 99 years.

When you’re born in a small town in Sicily in 1922, your not coming from money or high up on the social ladder. But what she did have were parents who loved each other and their children very much.

Mom was the oldest of 4 children. A little while later, though, another sister came along, Caterina. That’s when Mom’s life changed drastically:
– My Mom’s mother died during that childbirth.
– Within a month or so, baby Caterina also died.
– Within a year or so, Mom’s father Giuseppe also passed away. (Mom had always referred to him as “having died of a broken heart.”)

So now Mom, as the oldest at age 16, took on the responsibilty of raising her 3 siblings, with the help of her grandmother. She held off any plans for herself, in order to take care of her family. She even mentioned that she turned away potential suitors, because of that unwavering commitment to her family. And that’s how life continued, until she was in her early 30’s.

Now, if you’re a single woman in Sicily at that age in the early 1950’s, your prospects of ever getting married and starting a family are not looking too good.

As it happens, her cousin Domenico came to America, married, and started a family years earlier. His wife Elena had a brother, who was in his early 40’s, and was also looking at a life without what he truly wanted: His own wife and family. That was Dominic, my Dad. They dated long-distance with love letters, the old-fashion way, and ultimately married in 1955.

The point is that my Mom saved my Dad, and my Dad also saved my Mom. They SAVED each other. And then they devoted themselves wholly and completely to raising us, their kids.

Mom (& Dad) gave us everything they could. I can summarize it with 2 things:
1) They gave us their unconditional love. No matter what happened, or what we put them through, and at times, we put them through a lot, they were always there for us, so we could love, learn compassion, be forgiving, and have a good life.
2) They gave us an education, better than what either of them could have had when they started out in life.

Mom only had a 6th grade education. She knew no English when she came here from Italy. She learned to speak and read English while my older sister Cathy learned the language herself in her early school years. It turns out, they were teaching each other at the same time.

She loved to teach and learn. She wanted us kids to succeed, and she put a lot of effort into making sure that school and a Catholic education were priorities in our daily lives.

Later on, she worked as a home health aid for the City of NY until she was in her early 60’s. Then in her 70’s, she independently took care of some of the much older 80+ year-olds who lived in her building. But not for pay; she just did it, because she saw a need, and wanted to…because of this strong compassion for others.

She taught us to have strong work ethics, tenacity, and that ‘stick-to-it-iveness” that we needed to succeed. She also exuded compassion for others, which we couldn’t help but learn from her.

So, then, what made my Mom so strong? As if all those tragedies in her early life weren’t enough, she later sees her husband of 40 years pass away. Then, just 3 years later, she sees the worst nightmare a parent can have, when her son, our brother Joe, died (which by the way was 23 years ago today). And somehow, through it all, I know it was her strong faith in God that kept her going. Mom was very religious, and I know that was a factor.

Geting to the age of 99 does have its perks, even if you can’t remember all of them, and Mom did have that problem over her last few many years. But she was blessed to have been able to watch 4 beautiful grandchildren grow up into amazing loving adults. And then to even meet her 3 beautiful great grandchildren. By the way, she was always quick to exclaim, “Io sono la bisnonna!” (“I am a great grandmother!”), a title she was very proud of.

In Psychology 101, I learned that your Superego is your sense of right and wrong, your moral compass, which is something you learn in your very early years, primarily from your parents (and especially from your mother).

In life, I learned that a house is not a home, until your mother makes it one.

Mom taught us what really matters in life: to be a family…even if we didn’t exactly “get it” until after our teenage years.

And so, my sisters Cathy and Tone, and I are grateful for all the time and life that we experienced with our Mom, because she is a part of who we are today. So when you see us, you’ll also see my Mom, too! And it feels good to know that.

Thank you for listening.

Jerry Compito